Construct your own Frankenwine

Nature may be a pretty lass, but she is also pretty scruffy. Here are some delightful beauty tips brought to you by the those caring folks at the Laboratory of Garnishing, to give her rough and unready wines a more pleasing mien.

CONSTRUCT YOUR OWN FRANKEN-WINE:

(with songs to sing along to…)

Seed my Frankenwine
Feel my solution
It’s a wine revolution
Seed my Frankenwine
Buggering up nature
Ain’t no crime.

(with apologies to Alice Cooper)

ON ARABIC GUMS:

YUM!!!

STABIVIN® SP : Solution of arabic gum, specially filtered and purified, made from selected premium raw material. Contributes to the colloidal structure of the wines.

STABIVIN® :A filtered, purified solution of “100% Verek ” gum arabic, with a high stabilization index (>8).

STABIFIX® : A filtered, purified gum arabic solution, with a stabilization index >5.

OENOGOM INSTANT®: Quick-dissolving purified Kordofan Arabic Gum. Does not contain any additives or preservatives (S02).
Pure, unadulterated gum Arabic – as nature intended.

Shake of Araby Gum

I am the Shake of Araby gum

It’s filtered, it’s stable, it’s fun
At night when you’re asleep
Into your lab I’ll creep.

And apply to all the wines in your collection
To purify and stabilise your wine selection
With your wines to me you will come
Because I’m the Shaker of Araby Gum

Oh, I’m the Shake of Araby Gum
And all the oenologists worship me – it’s dumb
You should see the way they use stabifix solution
To make wine without flavour, such pure dilution

 They beg me to clarify their bland little wines
And that ain’t bad — in fact, that’s good (for business), I’ve found. I’m a cad!

When I lay down to sleep
I’m counting colloids instead of sheep
From my laboratory I can’t scare ’em out. Why should I?
They’re hooked on my quick-dissolving gum

And they hear when I sing and I hum

That I’m the Shake of Araby Gum with a high stabilisation index.

ON MANNOPROTEINS:

MANNOSTAB®: Tartaric stabilisation that enhances the quality and reputation of your best blends. Specific mannoprotein (MP40® – Patent n°2726284), naturally present in wines, with the unique property of inhibiting potassium bitartrate crystallisation.

But what about James Brown’s take on this sexy issue?

It is a Mannotab’s World, it is a Mannotab’s world,
But it wouldn’t be nothing, nothing without tartaric stabilisation

ON METATARTARIC ACID:

POLYTARTRYL® SPECIAL: Esterification Index 35/37. May be added at the final filtration stage.

POLYTARTRYL® 40: Esterification Index 40. Add a few hours before final filtration and bottling.

SUPER POLYTARTRYL® Esterification Index 40/42.The highest esterification rate. Must be added 24 hours before final filtration.

All together now!

Super poly tartryl ester filtering exposes
A total lack of respect for the integrity of our noses
Super poly tartryl ester filtering exposes
And if you use quite enough the wine is quite atrocious

ON CELLULOSE GUM SOLUTION (CMC / E466):

CELSTAB®: intended for wine stabilisation in relation to tartrate salt precipitations.

To be sung to Edelweiss:

Cellulose, Cellulose
Add a dose
Make a gigantic precipitose

 Cellulose, Cellulose
Clean and bright
Clarify my house wine forever

CHIPS, STAVES, AND BARREL REFRESH:

This doesn’t roll out the tongue like Wine, Women and Song, but what the hey.

Chips, Staves & Barrel Refresh
More wood than the whole of Uttar Pradesh\
Chippy chips & stove-roasted staves
Are oenologists’ tricks if the wine misbehaves

Mmm…chips with everywine.